Bragging About Your Kids on Facebook

You have to be careful when bragging about your kids on Social Media. Just know someone will “one-up” you almost immediately, if not sooner. As people find their way into the conversation, the age of the child and their abilities gets younger and stronger. Next time you find yourself in the midst of a child brag-a-geddon, feel free to use one of these.

“Our baby is finally sleeping through the night”

“It’s nice right! My infant started sleeping through the first night we brought him home from the hospital”

“I think I see a tooth popping through!”

“Yay for you, of course my infant already has her full set of adult teeth, in fact we let her open our soup cans and beer bottles”

“I think I just heard him say Mama”

“Really? I’ve been having conversations with my child for months now. He’s already reading and interpreting our Greek Lexicon for the New King James Version.”

“She took his first steps!”

“That’s nothing, my kid started walking as soon as she was born, in fact, I was 52cm dilated and she walked out of my uterus.”

“He has figured out how to open the baby gate!”

“Well, once our kid figured out he didn’t have enough weight to push the foot pedal to open the gate, he managed to find the tool box and use screwdrivers with a torx bit to disassemble the gate to let himself out”

“I think we are finally potty trained after a few short weeks!”

“That’s great! Our kid was potty trained on the first attempt at his first birthday, of course he was changing his own diapers since birth anyway”

“Our kid learns songs so quickly he has such a great memory”

“Let me know when he learns to play an instrument to accompany the song. Then he can join my child who has already mastered the harpsichord and they can play together”

“First day of Kindergarten!”

“How sweet! Sorry your kid was held back by your terrible parenting. We started Linear Algebra at age 3 and we are already moving on to Quantum Mechanics”

 

Those are just a few, feel free to improvise…

Where are you really from?

DaKribs

Facebook has been really pushy lately about asking me where I’m from and where I grew up. Well that is a very interesting question.

Where am I from? Other than my mothers womb I really don’t know how to answer the question. I’m not sure where I was conceived because I don’t want to ask my parents questions like that. If you hold to a pro-life point of view that’s essentially where I’m from. I was born in a hospital in Charleston WV, so that is where I took my first breath outside of the womb. I guess there would be the next logical place. I was brought home to Rand WV lived there for awhile until we moved to Nitro WV. Then we moved to Newport News VA, Hampton VA, back to Nitro WV then finally to Mobile AL.

Another good question is: Where did you grow up? After I graduated college I moved to Charlotte, NC and met my wife. We soon packed our bags and moved to Memphis TN. If you consider growing up the place where you matured, became a true man of God, learned what it meant to be a husband and father then Memphis was the place I grew up. I learned how to be dependent on God and my wife as my true means of sanity and stability. Both of our children were born there and I understood that I’m not the most important person anymore.

At this point we are trying to grow some roots in the Charleston SC area. Still a lot of growing to do, and hopefully not rotting and withering.

When one door closes…

When one door closes, another one opens. Some say a window, but don’t go through the window. Someone might think you are breaking and entering and you will go to jail. Just open the door that closes, then you will get to your intended destination.

6 Things Christians Should KEEP Saying?

In response to this ridiculous article

1. The Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word of God.

We have 5000+ manuscripts that have typographical errors, extra words, but not errors in the message. Reading verses in context by literary genre and keeping history in mind of who the book was written to doesn’t equate to errors. People often site this because something was written in Habakkuk that is contradicting something in Song of Solomon or something similar. It’s like reading the owners manual for my oven then trying to cook a hot pocket in the dryer.

2. We just believe the Bible.

John Owen said it best “If the scripture has more than one meaning it has no meaning at all”. The scriptures have one meaning, we get it wrong, but the Bible itself isn’t wrong. Denominations spring up out of peoples self interest and personal/political agendas as church history has shown us. God’s word has stayed the same despite that.

3. Jesus is the only way to heaven.

Keep in mind that Jesus said this and quite often.
Jesus, the Only Way: 100 Verses

4. The rapture of Jesus is imminent.

Imminent means quick or swift (ταχινός tachinos; late form of 5036; swift:—imminent(1), swift(1).)

It doesn’t mean Jesus is coming back soon, because nobody knows that (Matthew 24:36).

5. Homosexuality is a chosen lifestyle and it is a sin against God.

Let’s read the rest of 1 Corinthians 6:9

Seems like the sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, thieves, the greedy, the drunkards, revilers and swindlers (sorry Han Solo) are all chosen lifestyles too and considered sinful. Look to point #3 to get clean from all that.

By the way, chastity is also a chosen lifestyle (and a sin if you are Married).

6. The earth is less than 10,000 years old.

For one thing, the Bible doesn’t tell us how old the earth is. Science tells us how old the earth is, but science keeps getting things wrong and they have to keep updating “facts” based on new data discovered. Scientists also used to think the earth was flat and the sun revolved around the earth. Genesis is meant to narrate the creation chronology to a specific group of people about the one true God rather than the multiple Egyptian gods they were used to hearing about. Look at the 10 plagues to see how God debunked all the Egyptian Gods. Why not have Bible classes as an elective? Bible classes used to be required, much like “the religion of naturalism” is today.

As for the founding fathers, it breaks down like this. Of the 55 founding fathers only 3 were deists, 93% were Christians and 70% were Calvinists (considered the most extreme and dogmatic forms of Christianity).

Their beliefs? (from Faith of Our Fathers)

  • Virtually all those involved in the founding enterprise were God-fearing men in the Christian sense; most were Calvinistic Protestants.
  • The Founders were deeply influenced by a biblical view of man and government. With a sober understanding of the fallenness of man, they devised a system of limited authority and checks and balances.
  • The Founders understood that fear of God, moral leadership, and a righteous citizenry were necessary for their great experiment to succeed.
  • Therefore, they structured a political climate that was encouraging to Christianity and accommodating to religion, rather than hostile to it.
  • Protestant Christianity was the prevailing religious view for the first 150 years of our history.

Finally, I find it very intolerant for this person to choose by faith rather than evidence that the Bible is full of errors, that Jesus isn’t the only way to heaven and we only need to love one another no matter what they do. Of course that’s just his interpretation…

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide…

IMG_0089

A tip for young married couples or anyone newlywed for that matter. You may have think that your lovely bride has forgotten everything that you did wrong to her over the last few days, months, weeks, years. But when it comes time for a road trip, she has you right where she wants you. There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

What is the lesson here? Listen to your wife, encourage her, and empathize with her. You say you do, but until really don’t. You have a choice to pay attention then, or pay attention while in the car together. Choose the first option.

Second Hand Littering

secondHandLittering

I’m all for small business but putting trash on my mailbox is kind of annoying. Sometimes the wind will catch it and blows the refuse all over the neighborhood yards. If it rains then we have another mess to deal with. I’m not a fan of the zip lock baggy with a rock in it either. If I’m not paying attention and run over it with the lawn mower, the rock becomes a deadly projectile and could shatter a skull or window. I don’t want to deal with broken glass, brain matter and the cost that goes with it.

Actually you are breaking government rules as well. According to Sect. 508.3.1.3 of the Domestic Mail Manual

“No part of a mail receptacle may be used to deliver any matter not bearing postage, including items or matter placed upon, supported by, attached to, hung from, or inserted into a mail receptacle. Any mailable matter not bearing postage and found as described above is subject to the same postage as would be paid if it were carried by mail.”

It reminds me of a Mitch Hedberg joke. “Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it’s kinda like they’re saying, ‘Here—you throw this away.’”

Taking gifts from strangers intended for your kids…

Stuffed

I took my son out for lunch today while the spouse and daughter were getting their hair did. While we were munching on hot dogs a member of our senior community sneaks up on me rather swiftly and asks if my kid can have a stuffed animal. My first question was “What kind of stuffed animal is it?” Since he wasn’t holding one. He replies: “The one that’s out in my trunk.”

Well, putting the words “my child, stuffed animal and trunk” in the same conversation gave me a little boost of anxiety adrenaline. He never made eye contact or bantered about my son or anything. The fact that my son was sizing him up didn’t help his cause either. I politely said “Oh, no thank you, we have too many as it is”. Before I could finish my apology he was off to the next table that contained a child.

There were five other parents who accepted the offer. I being the only one who didn’t. I watched him go out to his trunk while other parents nervously laughed about what was going on. His license plate revealed that he was a veteran, so I felt a little ungrateful at this point. He opened his trunk and proceeded to pull out a large broadsword some Ty beanie babies. He then distributed them to those who accepted, quickly tossing them to the parents then sitting down to his table. Then, I felt confused when he sat down with a ethically diverse, tattooed, pierced and far younger group than himself.

I would like to live in a period of time where this kind of generosity is common place. However, you never know who’s going to put gps tracker, hidden camera, razor blade or needle on the inside of a stuffed animal that is handed to you by a deranged lunatic with an agenda. We have to teach our kids not to talk and or receive gifts from strangers in these kind of awkward situations. Doing so breaks down their guard and a level of protection against strangers. The fact that my son didn’t get upset about it makes me feel justified in my decision.

Understanding Office Buzzwords and Jargon

  • Team Player – He does tons of work for me
  • Play Catchup – I haven’t had time to micro manage you while I’ve been eating lunch and playing golf with clients.
  • Table the Issue – I don’t want to talk about it now, but I’ll take your ideas and implement this behind your back and claim it as my own.
  • Devil’s in the Details – We know you are wrong about this, and somehow we will find a way to blame this on you
  • Play Devil’s Advocate – I’m going to be a jerk and criticize your idea with an obscure situation that will most likely never happen.
  • Putting Out Fires – Cleaning up others mistakes that they’ve shoe-horned into your design.
  • Low Hanging Fruit – What can make your boss look the best before you are mired in grunt work.
  • Win/Win – Boss and customer wins, you however are still the loser.
  • Synergy – what is the best way I can use my employees to lessen my workload
  • Job Security – Looks like long days and working weekends of performing mundane tasks are in your future
  • Participation is encouraged – Required, because I’m taking attendance.
  • Let’s take this offline – You said something in a meeting and you will be chewed out.
  • Work/Family balance – Your family better not get in the way of your job.
  • Quick Question – Do you have a couple hours to spend on this because I’m too lazy to figure it out?
  • Pretty Straight Forward – I didn’t bother to read your document

How to Tell If Someone Doesn't Like a Gift

Here are a few things to look for when someone opens your gift.

  • They look at the tag of who it’s from in preparation for disappointment.
  • The older the gifter is, the likelihood of disappointment of the giftee goes up.
  • Puzzled look on their face once they open it.
  • They look at all sides of the box
  • Open the box all the way and start to investigate to see if there is another present in there you are going to surprise them with.

It is far better to give than receive, because you feel better about giving crappy presents than receiving a terrible one.

How to Use Your Turn Signal

Turn signals on motorized vehicles are no longer needed because they have lost their effectiveness.

Turning to Side street

If you see someone coming while exiting a subdivision, don’t trust their turn signal. You never know when someone forgot to turn it off or accidentally hit it. They can’t hear the audible clicking of the signal because they’re blasting their sub-woofers. You have to wait for them to commit to the turn.

Changing Lanes on Interstate

The only thing a turn signal is good for on the interstate is to let some know to speed up and block you from changing lanes. The only way to change lanes is to swerve and signal half way-through as to avoid a ticket.

Parking

Signalling to park will only invite others to steal the spot from you. Fist-a-cuffs will ensue. Just park far away from the store because exercise is good for you and getting your face broken is not good.

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