- I wish Apple would come up with a way to record iPhone video and pictures that are at the correct aspect ratio. 99.9% of people do not have a vertical HDTV or monitor.
- People are always saying they are shocked at how fast their kids are growing up. They forget that time is a constant and it’s the same for everyone. Pay more attention.
- Can we upgrade the music in restaurants and grocery stores to a new decade? Perhaps we enter the era of the 90s as apposed to the 80s wretched music.
- The arrows in the parking lots exist because they tell you which way to drive. The reason you’re having such a difficult time parking is because you are going the wrong way.
- To the person who is pretending to not see me exiting from the shopping center onto the main street in heavy traffic, you are a jerk.
- When you hold a door open for someone and they walk in like you were supposed to hold it open.
- When a company repeatedly asks you to partake in an anonymous survey yet they know you haven’t completed it yet.
- As a kid I used to make fun of adults who wore socks and sandals. Now that I’m an adult, kids are wearing socks and sandals. Not just any socks and sandals, but black socks that are over the calf and slides. What am I missing?
- When traveling great distances, you can cover a lot of ground and make good time. However, there will be someone driving 10 miles under the speed limit or there is a wreck when you’re about 20 minutes from the house.
- If you have a treasured possession that you’ve packed away and you own a cat; rest assured that the cat will find said treasured possession and piss all over it months before it’s rediscovered during a move.
- Tax free weekends seem like a great idea! However, retailers will set everything back to MSRP to make up the difference. That’s why I shop at Amazon, plus someone delivers it and I don’t have to worry about people breathing on me.
- If you come to a four way stop and one of the four stop signs is missing, that doesn’t give you the right to blow through the intersection. The stop is still implied by the huge white mark at the intersection.
- If you are trying to sell something online and you offer a very reasonable price, someone will low ball you. If you are giving away something for free no doubt someone will ask for money to take it off your hands and want free delivery.
Camera Comparisons. Them: “Why did you decide to buy that camera?” Me: “Because I liked it” Them: “But there is a better one.” Me: “I know, but I like this one.”
The aggressive DirecTV people who ambush you at Best Buy. It’s enough to make you quit shopping there. Sam’s Club is now allowing this shenanigans, thus why I’m canceling my membership.
The needless sharing of photos on Facebook. If people wanted to find their long lost relative, there are plenty of more expeditious methods than flooding my news feed with your poorly written sign. On a side note. You shouldn’t have to get a million likes so that your children will clean up after themselves. You are the parent, make them do it, or put them up for adoption because you are failing them.
When you unsubscribe from an email list and they send you one more email letting you know that you’ve unsubscribed.
When people pull out from a side street causing you to lock up your brakes and there are no cars behind you.
Every store I shop at now has a nemesis ready for me. One that seems to follow me to every isle, is looking for the same item, or just knows to block my view. They are impossible to move around and they back up whenever they want to. Am I the only person who still uses their peripheral vision?
Drivers are increasingly disregarding human life… at the cross walk! Several times this week I’ve had to stop mid stride and duck for cover because someone didn’t notice I was walking. However, if a gaggle of geese are making their way across the road traffic ceases to a halt.
People who walk in the exit and walk out the entrance. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is to me for some reason.
I haven’t clipped a coupon in months, today I had to wait five minutes on a CSM because the register apparently needed a synchronous key turn from two managers for the coupon to be validated. I could feel the hatred shooting from the eyes of the other shoppers behind me.
I’ve got a pretty sensitive nose and I’ve always smelled everything since I was a kid. Have no idea why but whenever I pick something up no matter what it is I smell it.
Smell is also linked to memory somehow, so I guess that’s why I have a good memory.
Here are a few top choices for worst smelling things
- The back of my ear after I forget to wash there for a few days (take your index finger swab the length of the back of your ear and try it)
- A black head that you can’t reach on your back that has been growing without your knowledge until your wife wants to dig it out with a pair of tweezers.
- A sippy cup of milk that has been under the seat for months until the stink escapes the one-way valve.
- I used to own a toy called a Stink Blaster, fun to play with at work, had to keep it in a zip lock bag in the garage.
I know one smell that is supposed to smell good is leather. However, I now have a bad memory association with the smell of leather. Back in 10th grade my biology lab partner who would wear a leather jacket and forcefully belch up his stomach aromas at the desk. It always smelled horrible of course. So now when I pass a Wilson’s leather store at the outlet mall, I can also smell the school salad bar and whatever meat product they were serving that day. Thanks Mike!
Probably the worst thing I’ve ever smelled is when I got home from school one day in Nitro WV. As soon as I got out of the car it hit me like a sack of soiled diapers that had been setting out on the beach during the summer months. We finally traced down the source. Apparently there was a dead cow on the hillside and it was half way decomposed and apparently exploded.
yin: A drink of ice cold water after brushing your teeth with a minty toothpaste
yang: remembering that the cup you were using wasn’t rinsed after soaking your puresleep device
yin: Eating any flavor of Doritos that being with “Cool Ranch”
yang: Breaking a Dorito off at the gum line between your tooth
yin: Enjoying a chocolate ice cream cone after a satisfying meal on your luxury cruise vacation.
yang: Sitting on the toilet with it because you don’t have any room left after your sixth satisfying meal of the day.
yin: Enjoying both deviled and picked eggs at Easter dinner
yang: Turning the car ride home into a gas chamber and trying not to play egg drop.
This is not a steak but a sculpture of a steak at the Weber Grill in Chicago. Steak is the only thing that keeps me from being a vegetarian. Well, bacon too, that would be hard to give up. Come to think of it, it would be hard to give up fish and chip and fried chicken. Well, there goes that idea.
As for steak, a wood fired grill with a nice rib-eye does the trick for me. Salt and pepper is all it needs. Seared on both sides at the highest temperature possible. Medium is the highest I’ll go on the cook time. No A1, no Heinz 57, no sauce whatsoever! Now I’m hungry.
“If you need anything, just let us know….” When tragedy strikes someone is bound to pop up with this statement. This is one of the biggest pet peeve cop outs that really bothers me. Stop asking if somebody needs something, you know they do, just go and do something. Do it silently too, don’t make a spectacle of yourself. If that’s the case, then don’t do anything.
FYI: This is not directed at anyone in particular so stop being paranoid (that’s not directed toward anyone either)
I love getting on the scale and find out that I’ve lost weight. That way I don’t feel so bad after I devour a whole meat lovers pan pizza later that evening.