Archive | People and Society RSS for this section

Purina One Healthy Metabolism Review

<Picture of Cat Diarrhea Not Shown>

There have been many advancements in the cat food industry since the days of giant bags of dried up meat stars that chipped cat’s teeth with a painful sound as if they were eating river pebbles. Now we have refrigerated food at Target and pet fountains for the home. Since when did we start caring about giving our animals organic food and filtered water? Case in point, we bough one of those fancy recirculating water dishes that keeps the water from stagnating. However, as soon as the cat goes outside he sprints for the any diseased pocket of water on the ground that is the home of countless mosquito babies.

Purina One Healthy Metabolism is touted as being a low-carb solution for fat cats that need to shed some pounds. If you’ve ever been on a low carb diet then you know what happens if you don’t eat enough veggies to go with your meat, you get buckshot. Since cats are carnivores and only eat veggies to help them throw up, POHM has caused my cats defecation to become audible.

One evening I was sitting in my office with the window open when I heard a noise that sounded like a mallard’s quack while being submerged in a bowl of clam chowder. We purchased a new litter box called the Omega Paw Self-Cleaning Litter Box. It’s a nice dome shaped box that basically creates a sub-woofer effect that rockets the sound in a focused direction. We had to switch back to a senior formula and limit his portions. We were at the point of just putting his food dish outside of the litterbox so he can stick his head out to eat while he was constantly defecating.

But on a sadder note, it seems as this cat food has either caused or highlighted a intestinal problems. The cat is now on a high fiber diet with a pro-biotic.

Second Hand Littering


I’m all for small business but putting trash on my mailbox is kind of annoying. Sometimes the wind will catch it and blows the refuse all over the neighborhood yards. If it rains then we have another mess to deal with. I’m not a fan of the zip lock baggy with a rock in it either. If I’m not paying attention and run over it with the lawn mower, the rock becomes a deadly projectile and could shatter a skull or window. I don’t want to deal with broken glass, brain matter and the cost that goes with it.

Actually you are breaking government rules as well. According to Sect. 508.3.1.3 of the Domestic Mail Manual

“No part of a mail receptacle may be used to deliver any matter not bearing postage, including items or matter placed upon, supported by, attached to, hung from, or inserted into a mail receptacle. Any mailable matter not bearing postage and found as described above is subject to the same postage as would be paid if it were carried by mail.”

It reminds me of a Mitch Hedberg joke. “Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it’s kinda like they’re saying, ‘Here—you throw this away.’”

How to Behave at the Beach

Who doesn’t love the beach? Well, I for one really do not care for it. The sand, the sunburn, the people. Anytime people get near water is seems their brain reduces functionality.

Beach Activities

Setup fishing poles in front of other families so that children get caught in the lines and potentially get hooked. Bring games where you throw objects that land onto others beach area causing sand to fly onto them.

Bring Your Pets

Cats love the sand, it’s just one giant litter box. Buried treasure is always fun for kids when they go digging in the sand. Keep a dog tied up to a food filled wagon so he can eat his fill. Let him loose to swim and allow him to take a huge dump  where others children are playing in the water.

Bring some Food

Seagulls love food as much as you do. Once they see that wonderful white bread they will terrorize anyone around. Feed them so that it becomes a problem for other families.

Booze it Up!

Even though the beach is alcohol free, bring your booze inside of a Sonic styrofoam cup or Gatorade bottle. You can still get drunk, obnoxious, and curse at the top of your lungs when your corn hole bag doesn’t hit the target. Don’t forget to blast profane music while your inhibitions are reduced causing you to grind each other on the beach.

With these tips, I’m sure everyone will have a good time at the beach.

The Lighter Side of Alcoholism

My faith is society is slipping to new lows. Behold the diet drink that tastes like an alcoholic beverage! I do enjoy the taste of a margarita when it’s done right, but I can’t imagine settling for this. It’s like a last ditch effort to booze it up during your work day. Have some tequila in a water bottle and some of this and you’re all set for a relaxing workday without anyone being the wiser. Just waiting for Sam Adams to team up with Crystal Light to give us some Boston brewery fresh flavor, or why not partner up with Jack Daniels for some whiskey flavors. The possibilities are endless!

10 Things I miss about Facebook

  1. Reconnecting with old high school friends who I barely knew and share no commonality
  2. Seeing the daily highlight reel of people pretending they’ve got it all together
  3. Constant 1-upsmanship of child braggadocio
  4. Mocking of conservative and Christian values by spoon-fed media consumers.
  5. Updates on the bountiful harvest of digital gardens and architectural progress reports of virtual hobbit holes.
  6. Abortion debates with Molech worshipers
  7. Blocking others from posting to my timeline on my birthday, and putting up a status message “If you really cared, you would send me a card or call me”.
  8. People misquoting scripture and constantly quoting “You shouldn’t judge” when trying to justify their sins.
  9. Watching marriages crumble and people not fight for them, but take bad advice from their single or divorced friends.
  10. The giving away all my personal information for free

Beard Benefit Banter

Benefits of having a mustache.

  • Sweat filtering
  • Helps mask your stank breath
  • Makes drinking from a 20oz bottle easier (not forming such a tight seal)

There are also a few drawbacks of shaving all your facial hair

  • Your small children will wonder who you are
  • Your wife will laugh hysterically for 10 minutes at your weird face and tell you to grow it back
  • Gauges how much weight you’ve gained by discovering new chins
  • All the food you miss doesn’t get caught in your beard, falls in your lap

check out

Bandaid Disposal

When trying to find a place to remove and dispose of your infected band-aid. I guess the handle of the shopping cart is as good a place as any.

Dead Animals on Facebook

I appreciate all my hunter friends posting facebook pics of all the dead animals. However, I’d much rather you show the finished product next to mashed potatoes and gravy.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 248 other followers

%d bloggers like this: