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How to deal with kidney stones

guinnessWhenever you get a kidney stone everyone will emerge from the the sheet rock to give you advice on what caused them, but not how to deal with them. Things like “Time to change your lifestyle, Time to stop drinking soda, Time to jump of a bridge with a millstone around your neck”. Well, I’m here to tell you what works for me and it might work for you as well.

First step: Don’t get kidney stones, they hurt.

If you failed at step one then grab yourself a sixer of Guinness Extra Stout and down one in the parking lot of your nearest grocery store (well, wait until you are at home). The alcohol will help with some of the pain in the urethra and bladder. If you drink enough of it, you won’t even care about the kidney stone, but wait until you are home first. On a side note, why is beer always kept cold in the store, doesn’t that encourage alcoholism?

Next mix up equal parts of olive oil and lemon juice, drink a shot glass full about every fifteen minutes. This will help break up the stone and make it easier to pass. Be sure to drink a ton of water. You will feel tremendous bladder pressure but the beer, olive oil and lemon juice will work it’s magic and bust it up.

However, if you start to urinate pure blood, then seek medical attention.

Toenail Maintenance Poll

I'm no longer an anti-dentite…

I feel like I’m cramming for finals when I brush my teeth five minutes before I leave for the dentist. It’s probably the best teeth brushing I do all year. Yeah, I know you are supposed to go twice a year for a cleaning, but here’s my back story. I went 17 years without going to the dentist. Why? Maybe because I had all my front teeth ripped out when at 4 years old and wasn’t all the way numb. But still, after 17 years, no cavities, and yes I have a theory for that.

I started going back to the dentist when I lived in Oakland, TN a few years ago. I swear it felt like the dentist pulled out each tooth, cleaned it, and then placed it back into my mouth. I think that because there would be blood spatter on the dental lamp. My current dentist is very gentle, but they do have one quirk at their office. They have a TV loop showing every possible mouth disease while you’re confined to the chair as they hover sharp things near your face. Thankfully they let you watch other channels now.

Here’s my theory, I think they put something in the tooth polish that sets up a repeat customer. I now have 3 cavities in less than 2 years. I don’t eat that many sweets and I brush enough to hinder my teeth forming a Parmesan crust. I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with a question the hygienist asked me. “How often do you floss?” I said, “Once a year, when you do it”.


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