Archive | June 2012

Caring About Child Nutrition

I wouldn’t say that I’m the best at nutrition for myself but I go out of the way to feed my children the best things possible. It’s not that I eat total garbage but I do avoid refined sugar, high fructose corn syrup as much as possible. I’m careful when I read food labels for my kids and this cereal “treat” astounded me on the amount of ingredients I didn’t recognize, let alone could pronounce.

I let my children eat cereal a couple times a week, and they both prefer gluten free Honey-Nut or Cinnamon Chex, helps keep them both very happy during the morning. The other times I’m cooking a hot breakfast for them. We also feed them whole foods and organic as much as possible. People used to make fun of us for doing so, but considering how much natural energy my kids have despite being hopped up on corn sugar, I’ll take that over a malnourished child any day. They can tell the difference between organic milk vs non, and will only drink the former.

Which brings me to my point. How lazy do you have to be to serve a cereal bar for breakfast? Lucky Charms is not something I would put high on the nutrition pyramid let alone in a compacted sugar ration. It’s easy to open a box of cereal, pour the contents into a bowl and add some milk. I’m sure the kids are climbing in the pantry to eat these for breakfast while you are sleeping off your Crystal Light Margarita buzz from the night before.

The Lighter Side of Alcoholism

My faith is society is slipping to new lows. Behold the diet drink that tastes like an alcoholic beverage! I do enjoy the taste of a margarita when it’s done right, but I can’t imagine settling for this. It’s like a last ditch effort to booze it up during your work day. Have some tequila in a water bottle and some of this and you’re all set for a relaxing workday without anyone being the wiser. Just waiting for Sam Adams to team up with Crystal Light to give us some Boston brewery fresh flavor, or why not partner up with Jack Daniels for some whiskey flavors. The possibilities are endless!

Dealing with a Strong Willed Child

Having a strong willed child is not an easy thing. We were blessed to have a docile daughter who is able to think for her self and follow instructions. However, our son has decided he can think for himself just fine and doesn’t need our instructions.

It seems like no form of discipline works. Spanking doesn’t seem to bother him and timeouts are tolerable. At his Sunday School class, he’s figured out that he can hit or bite someone and them put himself in timeout.

Some people don’t understand strong willed children. They think there is something wrong with the parents and we aren’t taking care of our children. Comments like “Why don’t you get him tested for ADD?” Really? You think that because a 2 year old doesn’t want to sit and listen to a story and wants to play with blocks by himself that he’s ADD?

Best thing to do when they become a tornado of teeth, fists and leg kicks? Remain calm, I know that sounds easy, but if you get out of control, it’s only going to make the situation worse. Remove the child from the situation and explain why playtime is over. When you are ready to try again say things like “Ok, we are going to play, but if you bite, kick, punch, choke-hold, arm-bar, or elbow drop any of the kids, playtime is over and we will leave.” Once he breaks the contract, leave and explain why.

You have to know the difference when a kid makes a innocent  mistake and when they are openly defiant. Also, look for true repentance. Kids need to understand what they are doing is wrong and how to correct it. They need to understand how to apologize and make the situation better. Sometimes they are just sorry they got caught and are upset because they had to stop pounding on someone. If you have a heart in your chest that is beating, you’ll know true repentance when you see it. It also helps to know your child’s love language.

Finally, obviously, just hold on to your kid and love him. Ignore the idiots who make stupid comments about how you can’t control your kid. Don’t point out the fact that they are raising mindless zombies who only follow herd mentality. That doesn’t help.

Musicians are the most unhappy artists.

They never seem to crack a smile on their album covers. Every time I open iTunes or visit a music site such as Noisetrade I notice the artists are unhappy and grimacing. Do they not love what they do? If making music and selling it to the masses doesn’t put a smile on your face then nothing will. If they aren’t melancholy or angry, then they look bored and indifferent. Why would I want to buy your music if you are just going to depress me with your sadness of how you get to make music for a living. Cheer up musicians, maybe you will sell more “records” if you smile.

Seriously, why are they still calling them records? I know vinyl is still produced but the majority of people don’t buy CD’s anymore. I think deejays are now using MacBooks and mixers and turntables that allow you to load MP3s. I guess saying “I’m making a new record” is easier than saying “I’m creating new digital content for authorized downloads via a DRM verified cloud entertainment marketplace.”

Making the Most of Airline Seats

Airline seats are designed for someone who is 5 foot tall and weigh about 100 pounds. However, there are ways to make the most of your confined seat time.

Sit in the wrong seat, when someone shows their ticket with your seat number, say the airline must have double booked. When they ask to see your ticket, get defensive and say that you know how to read. Once you see that your seat row and letter are completely wrong, say that you must have been thinking your connecting flight.

Leave the armrest up and ignore the fact the flight is overbooked and someone is bound to sit beside you. Grumble and fuss with irritated noises when someone comes to claim their seat, especially if you are on the end row.

Recline back as far as possible, and check the recline position every 2 or 3 minutes. Wait until the person behind you begins using their laptop, check to see if your seat will recline further while shoving the tray table into their gut.

When drinks are being served and someone is happily munching on pretzels and sipping ginger ale, check your seat once again causing their refreshments to move about the cabin.

Improving on Supermarket Express Lanes

Supermarkets have hit a log jam when it comes to express lanes. They seem like a good idea but they are fatally flawed because they only have one rule: Item Limits (which are always violated). Here are a few new rules that supermarkets should adopt to increase performance of the Express Lane.

High Performance Cashiers and Baggers

Cashiers that are knowledgeable of what they’re doing goes along way. Would it hurt a cashier to smile and at least pretend to enjoy employment?. Express lane workers should be like the Navy Seals of cashiers. It’s frustrating when a volunteer senior citizen works the express lane and considers bar codes “the mark of the beast” and laser scanners “apocalyptic weaponry”. Baggers need to know that bread, Clorox and ground beef shouldn’t co-mingle in a bag.

Accept only Debit Cards

Nothing is more frustrating than seeing someone whip out a checkbook to pay for five items. Cash is clumsy and no one can do simple math anymore. No gift cards either, 100% of the time there isn’t enough money to foot the bill, so that causes longer waits for your decision to write a check, pay with cash, or find your debit/credit card. Even credit cards take too long because people forget their own name and how to sign it.

Surcharge for going over the limit.

There should be a 50% surcharge for each over the limit item and increases incrementally for each item you go over. This will stop people with 100 items from getting in the 20 item or less line when their grocery bill goes all Fibonacci on them.

No Impulse Items

Remove all the candy and magazines so that people will pay attention when the grocery belt is open for them to place their items. Who cares what celebrity is overweight or having a out of wedlock baby with an alien.

No Cigarette Purchases

No lung candy since we are not allowing any other candy purchases in this line. Nothing is worse than someone finishing up their two item purchase and then remembering they need soft pack of reds. The cashier takes minutes opening the case and bringing back the hard pack which cause great anger in the customer. This cigarette volley goes on as you watch customers in other lanes with full carts leaving the store.

No “Valued Customer” card signup

If you already posses this card and have it at the ready then you are free to use it. However don’t query the cashier  entering five phone numbers because you forgot your card.

Self Checkout Rules and Guidelines

No light items

Items must be heavy enough to register on the scale. Kool-Aid packets are a great example. Purchasing Kool-Aid also shows you make poor decisions, so getting in this line probably reveals this.

Respect the Item Limits

Self Checkout is not for full buggies, crazy couponers or hoarders filling the fallout shelter for the coming apocalypse.

Know the Code

It needs to have a bar code! If you buy produce at least know the item number. If you have to tap your tuber by touch screen, pick a different line.

Items need to fit

Trying to lift a 60″ plasma TV onto the self checkout scanner is obviously not going to work. If the item is too large to fit on the scanner, you have failed us. Call the manager to be escorted from the premises.

Don’t move bags to your buggy

Some robo-scales get angry when you remove items from the bagging area. This only shows you have too many items to be in this line. Everything you purchase should fit in the bagging area.

Debit Cards only

No cash, no checks, no gift cards. I’ve tried (all except the check). Debit cards are great: swipe, enter your pin, grab your bags and receipt. Watching someone smooth out a crinkled dollar and feed it into the money bot orifice, makes me want to fling soup cans at your face.

Veganism and Animal Cruelty

If one were to eat only vegetables and use no animal products whatsoever, what ultimately happens to all the animals? Seems that animals would serve no purpose and feel alone and left out. Forget about having them as pets because that would make them captive slaves for our pleasure. If we let them roam free in the wild we would have to think about animal breeding and how to control that. What cruelty would be done to animals in the name of Veganism?

Think about all the burger flipping jobs that would be lost. All the teenagers would be left to their own devices and forced to assemble in bands of rogue thuggery and malfeasance. Seems easier just to eat them.

Evolution of Complaining about Movie Gifts

Since I started watching movies as a kid I’ve owned several different formats. Here is where I started on the evolutionary chain.

  • Cool, a VHS copy of my favorite movie!
  • You know that I own a Laserdisc Player, and this is a VHS copy?
  • I have a DVD player now, you know Laserdiscs are no longer popular?
  • This is the full screen DVD, there is a Widescreen version!
  • This is the original edition, the special edition has extra scenes.
  • This is the DVD version, Blu-ray is in High Definition.
  • This is the regular Blu-ray version, they make a 3D version now.

It’s difficult to replicate the original joy of owning a movie for the first time on VHS. I still own many DVDs and a few Blu-Rays because I refuse to re-purchase most movies. The only Blu-rays I own are select sci-fi movies such as Star Wars and Star Trek. The bulk of my Blu-ray collection consists of super hero movies. I really don’t care what format comes after Blu-ray, I’ve hit the peak interest of home theater a few years back and haven’t upgraded my equipment in some time. I guess if movies coming out of Hollywood were better I might take more interest.

 

10 Things I miss about Facebook

  1. Reconnecting with old high school friends who I barely knew and share no commonality
  2. Seeing the daily highlight reel of people pretending they’ve got it all together
  3. Constant 1-upsmanship of child braggadocio
  4. Mocking of conservative and Christian values by spoon-fed media consumers.
  5. Updates on the bountiful harvest of digital gardens and architectural progress reports of virtual hobbit holes.
  6. Abortion debates with Molech worshipers
  7. Blocking others from posting to my timeline on my birthday, and putting up a status message “If you really cared, you would send me a card or call me”.
  8. People misquoting scripture and constantly quoting “You shouldn’t judge” when trying to justify their sins.
  9. Watching marriages crumble and people not fight for them, but take bad advice from their single or divorced friends.
  10. The giving away all my personal information for free
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